I’ll go out on a limb and say that 2013 has been a pretty sucky year in the ‘Emotions Department’. If you asked the people who know me, they’d probably tell you I’m pretty happy go lucky. For the most part, I am. I’m always able to look on the bright side, but it hasn’t been easy to do so lately.
You see, I’m stuck in a rut.
If I’m being honest, my rut started late last year. I had a fall out with a friend and that particular experience has left me skeptical about relationships. I’ve come to terms that sooner or later, people will disappoint you. Heck, I have probably been a disappointment to someone and I’m likely to continue disappointing regardless what I try to do.
This epiphany has made life difficult and my recent commitments has only added to my stress. It has gotten to a point where I needed to discontinue one of my units. At moments like these, I fantasise how life would be if I: did my internship overseas; became an expat in Asia; could drive myself around; found a new part-time job; was anywhere but where I am now. It’s nothing more than counter-productive thinking.
I’ve been getting nothing done – I can’t even submit an assignment on time. It’s always been my habit to do things at the last minute but I somehow managed to hand in my work before the deadline. Now, I don’t even try. I find myself spiralling into anxiety and guilt, then fear and doubt. The buffer in between is of course, a whole bunch of procrastination and sleepless nights. As a result of this, assignments tend to drag on forever and my emotional state just plummets. It’s a vicious cycle and I don’t know how or when I’ll escape.
Having said all this, I’m certain that this is a passing phase. So there’s no need to worry. I will find that silver lining! Apologies if you were expecting a pleasant post about beautiful beaches. I didn’t mean to be so angsty but I admit, it feels good to get this off my chest. Thank-you to anyone who read this post. I know it’s definitely not my usual topic of choice but hey, this is considered the “scary bits” in life right? Which makes this post borderline acceptable, haha