Anywhere but here

I’ll go out on a limb and say that 2013 has been a pretty sucky year in the ‘Emotions Department’.  If you asked the people who know me, they’d probably tell you I’m pretty happy go lucky. For the most part, I am. I’m always able to look on the bright side, but it hasn’t been easy to do so lately.

You see, I’m stuck in a rut.

If I’m being honest, my rut started late last year. I had a fall out with a friend and that particular experience has left me skeptical about relationships. I’ve come to terms that sooner or later, people will disappoint you. Heck, I have probably been a disappointment to someone and I’m likely to continue disappointing regardless what I try to do.

This epiphany has made life difficult and my recent commitments has only added to my stress. It has gotten to a point where I needed to discontinue one of my units. At moments like these, I fantasise how life would be if I: did my internship overseas; became an expat in Asia; could drive myself around; found a new part-time job; was anywhere but where I am now. It’s nothing more than counter-productive thinking.

I’ve been getting nothing done – I can’t even submit an assignment on time. It’s always been my habit to do things at the last minute but I somehow managed to hand in my work before the deadline. Now, I don’t even try. I find myself spiralling into anxiety and guilt, then fear and doubt. The buffer in between is of course, a whole bunch of procrastination and sleepless nights. As a result of this, assignments tend to drag on forever and my emotional state just plummets. It’s a vicious cycle and I don’t know how or when I’ll escape.

Having said all this, I’m certain that this is a passing phase. So there’s no need to worry. I will find that silver lining! Apologies if you were expecting a pleasant post about beautiful beaches. I didn’t mean to be so angsty but I admit, it feels good to get this off my chest. Thank-you to anyone who read this post. I know it’s definitely not my usual topic of choice but hey, this is considered the “scary bits” in life right? Which makes this post borderline acceptable, haha

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2 comments

  1. Meg · September 8, 2013

    Awww Viv, keep going! It’s definitely a passing phase, I go through them all the time as well and it does suck, but it get’s better. And there’s not much longer to go until the holidays where you can just sort of start from scratch again and work out what you want to do.

    As for friendship fall outs, I’ve also had my fair share and I’ve found time really does fix things. Maybe not to how they used to be, but fixed nonetheless. Good luck Viv, hwaiting!! :3

  2. kitfinite · September 11, 2013

    Aww, Viv, hope things start going uphill for you soon, and that you’ll be back to the Vivien everyone knows :)

    Anyway, I thought I’d might share a little quote I found on the internet a short while ago that has been helping me through a rough time at the moment. It goes, “an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keeping aiming.” :)

    Take care, good luck and keep aiming! <3

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